


The Clone Wars: The Office

by cgibs1650



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types, The Office (US)
Genre: Crossover, F/M, Screenplay/Script Format
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-07
Updated: 2020-06-22
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:53:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,140
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24063151
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cgibs1650/pseuds/cgibs1650
Summary: Due to budget cuts in the Jedi Order, each battalion is put in charge of doing their own paperwork, organizing charity events, researching cases, and more. Under the command of the egotistical and eccentric Jedi Knight, Anakin Skywalker, will the 501st Legion survive both on the battlefield and in the office? (AKA The Star Wars/The Office crossover we didn't know we needed.)
Relationships: Obi-Wan Kenobi/Satine Kryze, Padmé Amidala/Anakin Skywalker
Comments: 28
Kudos: 53





	1. Galaxy's Best General

**Author's Note:**

> This is just a fun idea I had, and I needed something lighthearted after that last episode of TCW! The stage directions were supposed to be in italics, I'll fix it when I get the chance!

(The setting is in an office in the Jedi Temple. There are desks lining the walls, and there is a front desk near the door. There is a private room on the other end of the office with the blinds drawn shut. Ahsoka is at the front desk talking on the phone, and Rex, Kix, Jesse, Fives, and Echo are sitting at the desks.)

Ahsoka: (Into the phone) Anakin, Master Windu is calling again.  
Anakin: (His voice is heard through the phone) I talked to him last night, what does he want this time?  
Ahsoka: I don’t know. Do you want me to put him through to you?  
Anakin: No.  
Ahsoka: He’s gonna keep calling until you answer.  
Anakin: (With sudden realization) Oh, I think I know what he’s calling about!  
Ahsoka: Weekly inspection?  
Anakin: No, no, I can’t tell you. It’s a surprise.  
Ahsoka: A surprise? (Loudly enough to get the Clones’ attention.)  
Anakin: Yes! You’re gonna love it! (Hangs up.)  
Ahsoka: I highly doubt that.  
Anakin: (Running out of his private office.) Alright everyone, gather around! I have some important news!  
(Everyone in the room shuffles over to Anakin, forming a small crowd.)

Interview  
Anakin: I’m Anakin Skywalker, the general of the 501st Legion. Because of recent budget cuts due to the war, we’ve had less staff to do the financial and liability side of things around here. So, I’m in charge of keeping everyone in this room on task. There’s not too much to know about me. I’m a humble Jedi knight, I’m the chosen one, I’ve killed not just the men but also the women and the children, and I’m also the best general. (Holds up a coffee cup that says “Galaxy's Best General.”) I got it from the Coruscant mall. 

Interview  
Rex: Well, my job in the 501st legion is probably the most exciting one, but also the most boring one. I’m the captain of this legion, so I’m kind of like Anakin’s right hand man. (Camera focuses on a picture of Rex and Anakin hung on the wall.) Usually I’m out there leading my brothers into battle, which is fun. But then when it’s over I’m the one that fills out the accident reports, and approves the medical reports, and does the budget report because Anakin is too lazy to do it… Is Anakin the best general? That’s debatable.

Anakin: Now, I know everyone’s been working super hard lately. Filling out reports and doing research for cases is the least fun part of our jobs. But, now we have the chance to do something really fun!  
Jesse: Last time you said that, we all ended up in a nest of Gundarks.  
Anakin: That was only because Ahsoka wore yellow that day.  
Jesse: What does that have to do with anything?  
Anakin: The Gundarks are provoked by the color yellow! It made them aggressive towards us.

Interview  
Ahsoka: I’ve been Anakin’s padawan for a few years now. That means I’m supposed to be mentored by him and taught the ways of the Force. But when we’re not in battle, I mostly just run errands for him and deal with problems that he causes for the other Jedi. Apparently he’s the “chosen one,” but sometimes I wonder if he is. You know, for obvious reasons. Also, for the record, Gundarks are color blind. 

Ahsoka: I still have the scars, Master.  
Echo: And Bly told me Aayla still hates you.  
Anakin: Okay, okay, that was a bad idea. This is going to be completely different, though.  
Fives: Get on with it, sir. I have work to do.  
Anakin: We’re going to bring back the Jedi vs. Clones charity soccer game! (He smiles and throws his hands in the air, but nobody seems happy or excited.)  
Ahsoka: Why? I thought they had to stop doing that because the Jedi weren’t playing fairly.  
Anakin: You would be right, my padawan. But, then we started having the annual charity ball instead, and that was even worse. You didn’t hear it from me, but apparently some of the Jedi were displaying some (very quietly) distasteful behavior.  
Echo: But that was you and Senator Amidala that got in trouble for that, sir.

Interview  
Anakin: Was I doing anything with Senator Amidala that night? No, no, of course not! What kind of Jedi just breaks all of their sacred vows like that? (laughs too loud) Not me!

Kix: But sir, there may be too many injuries if the game goes like it did last time.  
Anakin: Do you know what this charity is for, Kix?  
Kix: It’s for the orphanages across the galaxy, especially ones on impoverished planets.  
Anakin: Do you have something against orphans, Kix?  
Kix: No sir.  
Anakin: Then why don’t you want to raise money for them?  
Kix: I never said-  
Anakin: (shouting) Hey everyone, did you hear that Kix hates orphans?  
Rex: Alright! (laughs nervously and puts his hand on Anakin’s shoulder) It looks like we’re having the Jedi vs. Clones soccer game. Get to your stations, men, we have some flyers to prepare.  
(Everyone groans and walks back to their desks except Anakin, Ahsoka, and Rex.)  
Anakin: Thanks for convincing them, Rex. I don’t know what I’d do without you. (He walks to his office.)  
Ahsoka: (Quietly as Anakin walks away) I don’t either.  
Rex: Hey, you never know, maybe the soccer game could be some fun.  
Ahsoka: It definitely will be if it means I get to beat your team.  
Rex: No way! The Clones have this in the bag.  
(The phone at the front desk rings.)  
Ahsoka: One second, let me get that. (She walks over to the front desk.)

Interview  
Rex: Sometimes, me and Ahsoka have a hard time keeping Anakin on task. It’s one of the things we’ve bonded over, because he needs a lot of help. She and I have been working together for a long time. 

Ahsoka: (Into the phone) Yes, of course Master Windu. (She waves Rex over to the desk.)  
Rex: Is that Master Windu again?  
Ahsoka: (Points to the direction of Anakin’s office.) Get him.  
(Rex nods and walks over to Anakin’s door. He walks in without knocking and sees that Anakin is on the phone. Anakin doesn't notice him.)  
Anakin: Come on babe, I have to get back to work. No, you hang up first. No, you have to hang up first. Alright, I love you! (Makes kissing noises.)  
(Rex slowly starts to close the door again, but Anakin notices him.)  
Anakin: AH! What are you doing here?  
Rex: Ahsoka sent me in because you weren’t answering her calls. Master Windu keeps calling, and you’re gonna have to answer at some point.  
Anakin: I was busy talking to someone else! Ugh, why is everything always so hard around here? (Anakin walks around his desk and towards the door.) Why can’t Master Windu just leave me alone for once? I swear, he’s a-  
(Anakin opens the door to reveal Obi-Wan standing in the middle of the office, talking to Ahsoka.)  
Anakin: Hey, Master! (Anakin slaps Obi-Wan’s hand repeatedly.)

Interview  
Anakin: Obi-Wan and I go way back. He was my master while I was training, and he taught me how to be a great teacher for Ahsoka. When I became a Jedi knight, he became a Jedi master. Now I’m just waiting to become a Jedi master myself. It’ll happen eventually. (Uncomfortable laughter.) Right?

Obi-Wan: Anakin, what are you doing?  
Anakin: Remember the secret Jedi handshake that we made up?  
Obi-Wan: No.  
(Everyone is silent, Ahsoka looks at the camera.)  
Rex: What brings you here today, sir?  
Obi-Wan: Well, for starters, I heard you screaming something about Kix hating orphans from across the hall. (Obi-Wan laughs. The camera zooms in on Kix, who has his head in his hands.) Also, I heard that they were starting the annual charity soccer game back up again. Are you planning on participating?  
Anakin: Of course! Everyone’s so excited, aren’t you?  
(The Clones exchange glances and force fake smiles.)  
Echo: You’re just in time, Master Kenobi. I just finished the design for the poster. (Obi-Wan and Anakin look at Echo’s computer screen.)  
Anakin: This says Jedi vs. Clones “Chaity” Soccer game.  
Echo: Sorry sir, I must have made a typo.  
Anakin: Of course you did! Can you do anything right? You’re starting to make Kix look good at his job. (The Clones stare at Kix.)  
Obi-Wan: Don’t worry, Anakin, he just left out the “r.” It can be easily fixed.  
Echo: No, it can’t, because I already sent it to the copy machine.  
(Camera pans over to Fives kicking the copy machine.)  
Echo: Whoa, what’s wrong, Fives?  
Fives: The copy machine is broken.  
Anakin: Ah, this looks like the perfect opportunity to demonstrate the extent of my powers!  
Ahsoka: Anakin, what are you doing?  
Anakin: I’m going to repair this copy machine just from using the force! Watch and learn, padawan. Feel free to learn something as well, Master.  
(Obi-Wan rolls his eyes. Anakin holds up his hand and stares at the copy machine. It starts to move from side to side. Everyone watches in suspense as Anakin’s concentration grows even more intense.)  
Mace Windu: (Angrily bursts through the door.) SKYWALKER!  
(Anakin gasps and loses his concentration, causing the copy machine to spray ink across the room. Some of the ink hits Windu in the face.)


	2. Jedi Diversity Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After offending Aayla Secura (a Twi'lek rights activist) during Diversity Day, Anakin must come up with an activity for the Jedi Diversity Seminar. (Based on the Office's Diversity Day episode.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case you don't know:  
> Plo Koon - Kel Dor  
> Aayla Secura - Twi'lek  
> Ki-Adi-Mundi - Cerean  
> (It's relevant, I promise!)

Aayla: Thank you all for gathering here today. It really touches my heart that everyone cares so much about making sure every species that works at the Jedi Temple is treated equally. I’m in-  
Anakin: Yes, it's very important to accept others no matter what species they are, no matter how terrifying they look.  
Aayla: Yes, Skywalker. Anyway, I’m in charge of giving these speeches for each legion-  
Anakin: Because she's more knowledgeable on the topic than most generals, even me. Which is kinda hard to believe because I’m so smart.  
Aayla: (clears her throat) But your generals are going to go to a special diversity training session later today to make sure that-  
Anakin: Why is that? Why isn’t there a seminar for the whole Grand Army of the Republic? It would save time.  
Aayla: Can I please finish, Skywalker?  
Anakin: Sorry, go ahead. (He walks back to his chair.)  
Interview  
Ahsoka: Today is Diversity Day. Basically, we have to go through diversity inclusion seminars. Aayla Secura is really into species equality, because she’s a Twi’lek and she’s often underestimated. (Camera cuts to a shot of Aayla angrily staring at a blurred out painting of a Twi’lek that resembles her on the nose of a Republic Gunship.) I personally think Diversity Day has great intentions, but usually it’s kind of boring. The program needs a revamp.  
(The camera zooms in on Fives and Jesse, who are sleeping in their chairs.)  
Aayla: Can one of you wake them up?  
Anakin: Yeah, I mean, come on guys. At least she’s nice to look at. She’s probably a great dancer.  
(Aayla angrily throws her papers down and walks out of the room.)  
Ahsoka: Master, what was that? Now she’s mad at us!  
Anakin: Why does it matter? We don’t like her anyway.  
Ahsoka: Because she’s in charge of organizing Free Pretzel Day! If she gets mad at us, she won’t let our whole legion have any!  
Anakin: But how do I get her to like me again?  
Ahsoka: Say you’re sorry.  
Interview  
Anakin: Now, I usually never fix broken friendships or apologize for anything. But, compromises must be made for Free Pretzel Day. My life is full of loss and pain, but Free Pretzel Day is my only relief from this horrible suffering that I face every day. So, now I have to figure out how to fix things with Aayla.  
Anakin: Hey, guys, I need some help apologizing. Aayla, wait! I’m…  
Aayla: You’re what?  
Rex: He’s sorry.  
Anakin: Yeah, I’m that.  
Echo: He can prove it to you.  
Anakin: I can prove it to you.  
Aayla: How?  
Kix: He’ll speak at the diversity seminar later.  
Anakin: I’ll speak at the diversity seminar later!  
Aayla: Okay, fine. We have just a little more time at around 1:30, so you can be one of our guest speakers. Get there after lunch. Don’t be late.  
Anakin: Sure thing! See you later, I promise I won’t disappoint.  
(Aayla walks out of the door.)  
Anakin: Kix, why would you say that?  
Kix: You said you needed help coming up with a way to apologize.  
Anakin: Ugh, why is everything so hard here? Now I have to come up with something! I can’t believe it- (Anakin is heard mumbling as he walks through the door of his office and Rex shuts it behind him.  
Jesse: So, Skywalker’s gonna be gone for the afternoon? Are you guys thinking what I’m thinking?  
Interview  
Rex: We love pranking Anakin when he has to leave the office. Usually it’s small things, like changing all of the pictures hanging in the office to portraits of Mace Windu and seeing if he notices. But, this time we have to do something big.  
(All of the Clones have arranged their chairs in a circle, and they are whispering about something. Ahsoka walks up to Rex and gets his attention.)  
Ahsoka: Rex, can you cover the front desk while I go to this.... thing?  
Rex: Yes sir. I have this desk covered, and the other guys have Anakin’s desk covered, if you know what I mean.  
Ahsoka: No, I don’t know what you mean.  
(Rex leans over and whispers something in her ear.)  
Ahsoka: Ohhh! I can’t wait to see his reaction to this one.  
Rex: Me neither. Now, good luck not falling asleep at the Jedi diversity seminar.

=====

Shaak Ti: But it was in that moment, that time that they finally accepted me for who I was, that we were able to defeat the Krayt Dragons with both teamwork and only one spork. Thank you.  
(All of the Jedi in the ballroom applaud as Shaak Ti walks off and Anakin walks onto the stage.)  
Anakin: What a touching testimony, Master Ti. Sometimes, minorities at the temple are too afraid to speak up to make sure their needs get met. Like Ki-Adi-Mundi, for example. Master Mundi, what is the one thing you’ve wanted most?  
Mundi: I don’t know, intergalactic peace so that this war ends? (He glances at the other Jedi sitting next to him.)  
Anakin: No, you know it’s much more simple than that.  
Obi-Wan: (screaming from the crowd) The correct grammar is “simpler!”  
Mundi: What do you-  
Anakin: He wants taller door frames so that he doesn’t hit his big head every time he walks into a room. Imagine how hard that must be!  
Mundi: It’s really not a big deal, usually I just-  
Anakin: It’s alright Master Mundi, your needs have been heard. Have any of you ever hit your head on something? That’s how it feels to be a minority! That’s Master Mundi’s grim, everyday reality.  
(Obi-Wan and Ahsoka clap in an unsynchronized manner, everyone else is silent.)  
Anakin: Its important to know how it feels to face the discrimination that some species face every day here at the Jedi temple. That’s why I organized this little activity. If everyone would please go to the back table and grab a paper square? Don’t look at what it says, just tape the blank side to your head. And after you’ve done that, find a partner and give them clues until they find out what species their paper squares say.  
(Obi-Wan and Mace Windu are standing stiffly, facing each other. Obi-Wan’s label says “Cerean” and Windu’s says “Kel Dor.”)  
Obi-Wan: Hello there.  
Windu: General Kenobi.  
Obi-Wan: Is that an ugly mask you’re wearing or is that just your face?  
Windu: What did you just say to me?  
Obi-Wan: (Blandly) No, no, that’s the clue.  
(On the other side of the room, Kit Fisto and Luminara Unduli are standing facing each other. Luminara is expressionless, Kit is smiling nervously. Luminara’s label says “Twi’lek” and Kit’s says “Togruta.”)  
Kit: Men in your race have sharp teeth.  
Luminara: Am I a Zabrak?  
Kit: No.  
Anakin: (While walking up to the pair.) Come on, Kit! That’s nothing, dig deeper! Really reach into that melting pot and find something good!  
(Camera zooms in on Aayla staring threateningly at Kit from behind Anakin.)  
Kit: Based on stereotypes that I really don’t agree with, typically women from your race are, um, exotic dancers or prostitutes.  
Aayla: (Gets between Kit and Luminara.) And you realize why that’s wrong, right? And why women like me have to work so hard to be taken seriously?  
(Anakin smiles evilly at the camera, and it pans over to Ahsoka and Barriss. Ahsoka’s label says “Human” and Barriss’ says “Nautolan”.)  
Barriss: Hm, let’s start with this hint: beyond stupid.  
Ahsoka: Oh, I’m a human?  
Barriss: Precisely.  
(They both start giggling, and Anakin runs over to them.)  
Anakin: None of you are doing it right! Be brutally honest! Does anyone want to be a volunteer so I can show you how its done?  
(The doors to the ballroom opens and Yoda hobbles in.)  
Yoda: Leading the Diversity Training meeting Skywalker, are you? That I interrupted, sorry I am.  
Anakin: (Bends down to Yoda’s height and talks with a mocking accent.) HMM! Yoda, I am! 900 years old, I am! Stupid, you are, because the best Jedi, I am! (He starts jumping around for the extra effect.) What am I, you ask? HMMM, I have no clue, but I’m green and wrinkly little-  
(Yoda force-pushes Anakin across the room and into a wall. He falls to the ground and the camera zooms in on his limp body.)  
Yoda: Liberated you, I have. Attend to the real work you must get done.  
(All of the Jedi start walking out of the room, some even shaking Yoda’s hand in gratitude. Ahsoka, Barriss, and Obi-Wan run over to Anakin.)  
Barriss: Is he okay?  
Obi-Wan: He seems alright. We should just leave him here. (Turns around and begins walking away.)  
Ahsoka: No, we can’t just leave him here. Why don’t we carry him back to the office?  
Interview  
Obi-Wan: I’ve done a lot of things for Anakin over the years. (Ahsoka, Barriss, and Obi-Wan carry Anakin into an elevator. There are two Clones in the elevator that shrug when the three Jedi drop him on the ground.) But this has to be one of the worst ones. He always wonders why he’s not a Jedi Master yet, but I have a feeling it’s something to do with events like this.  
(Obi-Wan, Ahsoka, and Barriss carry Anakin into the office.)  
Rex: Oh my god, what happened?  
Echo: Is he dead?  
Kix: I don’t think we’re that fortunate.  
Fives: Well, I mean he’s been brain dead for a while.  
Obi-Wan: No, of course he’s not dead. Stop it.  
Ahsoka: I think he’s waking up!  
Anakin: (He groans, sits up, and rubs his temples.) Alright men, so Diversity Day didn’t go very well. I can't promise anybody any pretzels on Free Pretzel Day.  
Rex: At least you were able to come back early. We made sure everything was running smoothly while you were gone. If you’re feeling alright, sir, I finished some paperwork that you need to sign by this afternoon. It’s on your desk.  
Anakin: Thanks, Rex.  
Rex: My pleasure, sir. (He turns around and smirks at the camera, the other Clones smile too. Fives chuckles as Anakin enters his office, then immediately walks back out.)  
Anakin: Where’s my desk?  
(All of the Clones laugh.)  
Anakin: This isn’t funny guys, where’s my desk?  
Interview  
Jesse: Could it take him a day to find it? Maybe. (Camera cuts to a shot of the Clones carrying everything from Anakin’s office, including filing cabinets, his desk, and other things into the men’s restroom.) Will he be mad? Probably. Was it worth it? Hell yeah.


	3. Padme's Birthday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's almost Padme's birthday, and Anakin wants to have an office birthday party for her without showing the Clones his true relationship with her. However, the Clones come up with their own plan for the party while Anakin is gone.

(Everything is quiet at the office. Echo reaches into his desk, but then looks confused. He turns to Jesse, who is sitting at the desk right beside him.)

Echo: Hey Jesse, have you seen my stapler anywhere?  
Jesse: Nope, I have no idea where it is. Did you check your other drawer? Maybe you put it in there.  
Echo: Ah, you’re right. Thanks.  
Jesse: No problem. (When Echo ducks out of sight, Jesse smirks at the camera.)  
Echo: Jesse, what is this? (He takes a bowl out of his drawer. The bowl is full of Jello, and the stapler is in it.)  
(Anakin thrusts open the door to the office and runs in.)  
Ahsoka: Hey Master, you seem excited today.  
Anakin: I have an amazing idea! Senator Amidala’s birthday is later this month. How would you guys feel about planning a birthday party for her?

Interview  
Anakin: Senator Amidala and I are very, very good friends. Very good friends. Her birthday is coming up later this month, and the only thing she asked was that I take her out for a nice dinner. But, I think she would really appreciate it if we just put together a little something for her here at the office.  
Ahsoka: That sounds fun! Why her though? You didn’t plan a birthday party for me.  
Anakin: Um, I’m just doing something nice for the senate. I promise to plan a birthday party for you this year.  
Jesse: But sir, why Senator Amidala specifically if you’re just trying to do something nice for the Senate?  
Anakin: She’s the only one in the Senate that had a birthday this month.  
Rex: The directory says it’s Riyo Chuchi and Mon Mothma’s birthday this month as well.

Interview  
Anakin: You know what, that does seem kind of suspicious. But, I have a simple solution. I go to the Senate, I only invite Padme to the birthday party. Then, I come back, and I tell everyone that Senator Chuchi and Senator Mothma were too busy to come to the party. Problem solved.

Anakin: You’re right! I completely overlooked them! Add them to the list, we’ll throw a birthday party for all three of them today.  
Kix: What if Master Windu comes by for this week’s random inspection? He said “no more games” after that printer exploded on him.  
Anakin: It’ll be fine.  
Fives: And what do we get out of it?  
Anakin: You don’t have to do any work today.  
Echo: Hey, that’s good enough for me.  
Anakin: Alright, I’ll go and get the senators. I’ll be back in an hour! I left some money on my desk for anything you need to buy.   
Anakin: Just plan a generic birthday party! My only request is to include the color purple, that’s Padme’s favorite color. Oh, and order an almond cake if you can, if not vanilla is fine. (He walks out of the door.)

Interview  
Rex: I know General Skywalker said to just throw a generic birthday party with the color purple incorporated into it, but I feel like we have to really personalize it for everyone to make it special. So, like usual, us Clones are just ignoring what he said to do and creating our own plan.

Rex: So what color should we make the streamers?  
Kix: What about orange?  
Fives: Orange kind of burns my corneas off anytime I look at it. I hate orange.  
(Ahsoka looks down at her skin.)  
Rex: What if we combined things all the senators liked? That way, they all feel included.  
Fives: What kind of stuff do they like?  
Kix: Riyo is from the arctic, so she must like cold temperatures.  
Jesse: So what are we going to do, Kix, make her get into the break room refrigerator?  
Ahsoka: We could just make the party arctic themed.  
Rex: Great idea, Ahsoka! What about Mon?  
(Everyone is silent.)  
Echo: I’ve never talked to her before. Isn’t she kinda new?  
Kix: Well, she has the word “moth” in her name. Do you think it would be funny if we included moths in the party decorations? Like as a joke?  
Ahsoka: At this point, why not?  
Jesse: What if we combined all those three things? The party could be purple arctic moth themed.  
Fives: Do purple moths even exist?  
Jesse: Yes, Fives, you’ve never seen a purple moth before?  
Fives: No.  
Ahsoka: Anyway, I’m gonna put you guys in charge of making the copies. Find someone who has a copy machine we can use because, as you know, our’s hasn’t been replaced yet. I’ll call somewhere and get a cake.  
Rex: Yes sir!

=====

Rex: Commander Cody! Is your copy machine running over at the 212th’s office? No, I wasn’t gonna say “then you better go catch it.” You know how our copy machine hasn’t been replaced yet?  
Echo: Ask if they have colored ink!  
Rex: Do you have colored ink? (Pauses, then covers the phone with his hand.) No, they don’t have colored ink.  
(Fives groans and throws his hands in the air.)  
Rex: Okay, yeah, I’ll call you back later. Bye, Cody.  
Ahsoka: Have you found anyone to make the copies yet?  
Rex: No, not yet. Have you found a cake yet?  
Ahsoka: Kind of.  
Rex: What do you mean by “kind of?”

Interview  
Ahsoka: I called Dex’s Diner because Obi-Wan said they have everything there. It turns out that they do have everything there… Everything that a lonely bachelor who can’t cook would need. And that’s what Obi-Wan is. (The camera follows Ahsoka as she walks down the hall, but then zooms in on Obi-Wan walking into the 212th office. He is eating a burger and carrying a “Dex’s” bag.) I love him though. So, that means there are no cakes. I had to order a dessert from the local supermarket instead.

Ahsoka: I ordered a cookie tray because the store doesn’t have time to make a cake.  
Rex: That’s fine, I bet no one will even notice.   
Jesse: Do you think Bly has colored ink?  
Rex: I can see. (He punches in another number and holds the phone up to his ear.) Hey, Commander Bly! Yes, wait, you’re not supposed to be talking to us? Yes, I know Aayla hates Anakin with a passion. I didn’t realize it was that bad. C’mon, let's just talk, you and me, brothers that weren’t involved in the Diversity Day thing. I just have one question: Do you have colored printer ink? (He covers the phone with his hand.) The 327th Legion has colored ink!  
Fives: Yes! Ask him if he can print the copies.  
Rex: I have some papers that need to be printed in color. As long as no questions are asked, I’ll make sure no one knows that you interacted with us. I will also provide financial compensation. Please, I’m being forced against my will. (The dial tone can be heard from the phone.)  
Echo: Did he hang up?  
Rex: He hung up.  
(Fives bangs his head on a desk.)  
Jesse: What about the 187th?  
Echo: In battle.  
Jesse: Okay, what about the 41st?  
Fives: In battle.  
Jesse: What about... What about the Wolf Pack?  
Rex: I’m not asking Commander Wolffe to make colored copies of a purple moth!  
Echo: These are desperate times, Rex. Sacrifices must be made.  
(Rex takes a deep breath and dramatically picks up the phone.)

=====

Anakin: Right this way, m’lady!   
Padme: Why are you taking me to your office?  
Anakin: Because you have to sign those papers I was telling you about. (Anakin turns around and winks to the camera as Padme walks to the door.)  
(Anakin knocks on the door and everyone stumbles over each other while trying to hide behind something. Kix falls but Anakin opens the door before he can get up. Everyone jumps out and screams “Surprise!”)  
Padme: Oh. (A confused smile on her face.) This is lovely, thank you. Are these pictures of moths, the arctic, and purple construction paper part of a modern art installation?  
Anakin: No! It’s your birthday party!   
Rex: Where’s the other two senators?  
Padme: What other two senators?  
Rex: You know, the-  
Anakin: They couldn’t come!  
Padme: Who couldn’t come?  
Anakin: Uh, just a couple friends I invited.   
(The Clones exchanged sceptical glances.)  
Padme: In that case, thank you very much to everyone that helped out. I know you’re always working very hard, so thanks for putting the time aside for this.  
Anakin: We even got your favorite flavored cake! Guys, bring out the cake!  
(Ahsoka takes a large cookie tray out from behind the front desk and brings it to Padme. There are party hats on both of her montrails.)  
Ahsoka: Happy birthday Padme!  
Anakin: Where’s the cake?  
Ahsoka: We didn’t have enough time to order it from the supermarket, but they were able to deliver an assorted cookie tray here in time. We even got candles if you want them.  
Padme: Thank you, but no thanks on the candles. I’m sorry Anakin made you guys go through all this trouble...  
Anakin: Babe-I mean Padme! Come on, at least let us sing you happy birthday.

Interview   
Padme: I appreciate the things Anakin does for me, I really do. But he could have just taken me out to dinner or something. Moths kind of make me uncomfortable. (Camera zooms into a picture of a moth taped on the wall behind her.)

Padme: Of course!  
Rex: Alright men, we lost most of our dignity when we got assigned to this legion. Now, we’ve officially lost the last shred we were able to hold on to. Let’s make this one count. Now, on the count of three. One, two-  
(Everyone except Padme starts singing “happy birthday.” They’re all very off key, and most of the Clones are mumbing.)  
Anakin: Come on, put some soul into it!  
(The pitiful chorus gets louder, but everyone is still off key and unmotivated. Suddenly, there is a knock at the door, and everyone stops.)  
Ahsoka: Is that-  
Anakin: Yes, it is! Everyone RUN! Take down the decorations, hurry!  
(Padme, Ahsoka, and all of the Clones stand still and watch Anakin as he sprints frantically around the room.)  
Ahsoka: I don’t think we’re thinking of the same person. Who do you think it is, Anakin?  
Anakin: MACE WINDU! He’s here for inspection!  
(Everyone screams and starts ripping the papers off the wall. Padme is still standing in the middle of everything, not knowing what’s happening. Anakin opens the window in his office and throws the assorted cookie tray out of it. Fives is jumping in the air, trying to rip the streamers off the ceiling. Everyone else is straightening up papers on their desks.)  
Anakin: What the hell is this? (He picks up the Jello mold that Echo’s stapler was in, which was still sitting out on his desk.)  
Echo: No wait, that’s my-  
(Anakin throws it out of the window and runs away. There is a scream, and the camera looks out of the window to see Shaak Ti passed out on the ground. She is covered in Jello, with a stapler next to her. The assorted cookie tray is also covering the ground. Aayla Secura walks up and glares at the camera.)  
Ahsoka: Okay that’s everything, I’m gonna let him in. (Walks over to the door and begins to turn the handle.)  
Padme: (Camera pans over to Padme.) What’s happening?  
Echo: Wait, she can’t be here! Follow us, senator! I know where you can hide! (Echo and Jesse lead Padme out of the frame, towards the supply closet.)  
Windu: Good afternoon, Skywalker.  
Anakin: Master Windu. What a pleasant surprise, please come in.  
Windu: The place looks better than expected. Recently cleaned?   
Anakin: As always, sir.  
Windu: What about that picture on the wall? What’s that? (He points to the wall, and the camera pans over and zooms in to a zoomed in picture of a moth’s face on the wall.)  
Rex: We’ve been redecorating, sir. Nature really inspires us to get our jobs done, um, more quickly.  
Windu: (Pointing at Ashoka.) And if you don’t mind me asking, Padawan, why are you wearing two party hats?  
Ahsoka: (Awkwardly) Because it was too good of a day to just wear one party hat, sir!  
Windu: I meant why are you wearing the party hats at all, but you know what, let’s just change the subject. (He looks over to the supply closet, which Echo and Jesse are nervously guarding.) At ease, soldiers. What’s in the supply closet?  
Echo: The closet? Ah, nothing’s in the closet. In fact, Jesse just came out of it, if you know what I’m saying.  
Jesse: Ha ha, very funny. There’s nobody in this closet, but there is also no metaphorical closet for me.  
(Windu glares at them for a second, but then starts laughing very loudly. After a few seconds, Anakin, Ahsoka, and Rex join in. After a while of awkward and forced laughter, Windu abruptly stops.)  
Windu: I don’t know what’s going on in here, Skywalker, but you win this one. Random weekly inspection will happen again next week, and I’m checking every corner of this office.  
Interview  
Ahsoka: You know, at first I was kind of disappointed that Anakin never planned a birthday party for me. But then I realized that I’m probably the lucky one. I didn’t even get a cookie from the assorted cookie tray.


	4. Personal Goals

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ahsoka's plans to do a leadership project with her legion are derailed by Anakin and Obi-Wan fighting over an issue unknown to her and the Clones.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I attached a poster for the series. The photo editing isn't great but I figured you guys would like it! Also, the next chapter will be the Jedi vs. Clones Charity Soccer Game, so be sure to look out for that one!

(Obi-Wan rushes into Anakin’s private office and closes the door behind him.)  
Anakin: What are you doing here, Master?  
Obi-Wan: (He frantically tries to close the office’s blinds.) So you know how Senator Amindala is supposed to be showing a “very important guest” around the offices today?  
Anakin: Yeah, she was telling me about it last night. I think the guest’s name is Duchess Satine? She’s here from Mandalore to talk to the Senate or something and they’re giving her a tour.  
Obi-Wan: Why do you talk to Padme every night now?  
Anakin: Um, I mean, I haven’t heard from Padme in a week. I heard the Clones talking about it at the water cooler the other day.  
Obi-Wan: Sure. Anyway, Satine and I have a long history. I was just wondering if I could, you know, hide out here until she leaves?  
Anakin: Oooh, long history you say? Do tell, Master.  
Obi-Wan: It doesn’t matter what it is, it just wasn’t good.  
Anakin: Come on.  
Obi-Wan: No, Anakin, I don’t have the time for this.  
Anakin: (Angrily) Tell me, or you can’t stay here!  
Obi-Wan: Okay, okay! (Lowering his voice.) Satine was my secret girlfriend for a little while and I’m still in love with her.  
Anakin: WHAT? You always told me I couldn’t have a secret girlfriend, and you had a secret girlfriend all along?  
Obi-Wan: Anakin! Not so loud, these walls are paper thin!  
Anakin: Oh yeah? Well I have a secret girlfriend too!  
Obi-Wan: And you never told me?  
Anakin: Well it was kind of obvious, looking back on it.

(Anakin is heard yelling in the rest of the office. All of the Clones and Ahsoka stop what they’re doing and listen to the muffled voices. Rex walks over to Ahsoka’s desk.)  
Rex: What do you think they’re yelling about?  
Ahsoka: With them? Who knows. (Holds up a poster board and smiles.) It’s finished!  
Rex: It’s nice! What is it?  
Ahsoka: You’ll see, it’s a surprise. I’ll tell everyone about it when Anakin gets out of his, um, meeting.

Interview  
Ahsoka: In order to become a Jedi Knight, the Council said I have to do some more leadership and service projects. So, I decided to demonstrate some leadership in the office by making this personal goals board. (She smiles and holds up a decorated poster board that has everyone’s name written on it. Anakin can be seen angrily exiting his office in the background.)

Ahsoka: Can I please have your attention, everyone? (She stands on a chair, and her montrails lift up one of the ceiling tiles when they touch the low ceiling. She then gets back down after fixing the tile.) Anyway, I have an activity planned for today!  
Echo: What is it?  
Ahsoka: We’re going to make a personal goals board! You have to come up with one goal that you’d like to achieve in the next year. I’ll give you index cards to write it on. For example, my goal is to learn a new lightsaber technique. Come and put all of your index cards in this box when you’re done, I’ll read them in and put them on this board in about five minutes.  
Anakin: (He grabs two index cards and walks over to his office.) Obi-Wan, do you want to participate in Ahsoka’s little game?  
Obi-Wan: (Calling sarcastically from inside the office.) Sure!  
(Anakin throws one of the index cards into the office and slams the door shut.)

Interview  
Rex: I don’t know why Obi-Wan isn’t coming out of Anakin’s office. I know they’re mad at each other, so now Cody and I have to deal with that. (The camera zooms in on the door to Anakin’s office. A note card slides out from under the bottom.) I like Ahsoka’s idea though. She’s always really positive, and I think that’s exactly what we need here. Especially when Anakin and Obi-Wan are doing this. She’s really great.

======

(The poster board is propped up in the front of the room. Ahsoka is holding the index cards in her hand.)  
Ahsoka: Let’s look at what everyone said. Rex is first. Aw, this is a good one! It says “Spend more quality time with my legion.”  
Rex: Thank you!  
Ahsoka: (She tapes Rex’s card on the poster.) Next we have Anakin’s goal. It says “Become a Jedi Master.”  
(Kix, Fives, and Jesse start laughing.)  
Anakin: What’s funny about that? Kix, stop laughing! I’m going to become a Jedi Master very soon. Don’t you guys believe me?  
Ahsoka: (After a moment of silence.) Alright, let’s move on to the next one! Fives, your’s says “Do a cartwheel.” Why is that your goal?  
Fives: Because they’re really causal. If you do a cartwheel, everyone sees it and they’re impressed. But, it’s not a huge deal either.  
Echo: You don’t know how to do a cartwheel?  
Fives: (Sarcastically) No, do you? They didn’t teach us back on Kamino.  
Jesse: Yes they did. It isn’t really hard.  
Anakin: That’s what she said.  
Jesse: What?  
Anakin: That’s what she said. (He turns to the camera and starts laughing.)  
Echo: Watch, I can do a cartwheel right now! (He stands up and does a cartwheel. Everyone applauds.)  
Fives: *censored* you Echo, *censored* you!  
Anakin: Oh, so everyone likes the cartwheel goal but they don’t like mine?  
Ahsoka: Here’s the next one! This one is from Jesse. It says, “eat a vegetable.” That’s pretty unhealthy. Ah, here’s Obi-Wan’s. It says: “Have a padawan that forgives me for doing the wrong thing because all I did was try to do what was best for you and prevent you from making the same mistakes I did.” That’s a long one.  
Anakin: MASTER OBI-WAN! (Angrily) And that’s what she said.  
Obi-Wan: (Runs out from Anakin’s office.) What is it, Anakin?  
Anakin: Maybe you should actually do as you say. And maybe you shouldn’t argue with me via an index card.  
Ahsoka: What are you two even talking about?  
Anakin and Obi-Wan: Nothing!

Interview  
Ahsoka: Anakin and Obi-Wan love each other like brothers, meaning they’re really close but sometimes they fight over things and never tell us why they’re fighting. It makes me and the Clones uncomfortable. I think my presentation is done. (Ahsoka rips up Obi-Wan’s index card and throws it away with a straight face as Anakin and Obi-Wan argue in front of her.)

Obi-Wan: Anakin, I just want what’s best for you! Come on, let’s get back in your office before they get here and discuss this there.  
Kix: Before “they” get here? Should we get our weapons? Should we be worried?  
Anakin: No, Kix! Shut up! And no, Master, we’re staying out here! I’m tired of you telling me what to do!  
Obi-Wan: Anakin, I’m sorry, you just don’t-  
Anakin: No Master, I completely understand that-  
(Suddenly, the door swings open and Anakin and Obi-Wan stop yelling. The camera pans over to Padme and Satine walking in the room.)  
Padme: Hey guys! Am I interrupting anything?  
Anakin: (Smiling like nothing happened.) Of course not! Is this Duchess Satine?  
Padme: Yes, she is! Everyone, this is the Duchess of Mandalore. And Miss Satine, this is Anakin Skywalker and-  
Satine: Obi-Wan Kenobi. Yes, I definitely know Master Kenobi.  
Obi-Wan: (Grins nervously and fixes his hair) Hello there.  
Satine: I don’t have time for your games, Master Kenobi. Hello, Master Skywalker, I don’t think we’ve met before.  
Anakin: We haven’t. It’s so nice to meet you! Maybe Obi-Wan can tell you about the team building activity we were just doing so you can see how things run here at the office.  
Obi-Wan: Why don’t you get your padawan to tell her? She’s the one that came up with the idea. (The camera pans to Ahsoka, who is nervously looking away from the awkward situation.)  
Anakin: No, Obi-Wan, I think you should tell her yourself. It’s been awhile since you guys have talked.  
Obi-Wan: There’s a reason for that.  
(Anakin steps on Obi-Wan’s foot.)  
Obi-Wan: Ow! Okay, sorry about that Duchess Satine. We were just doing a team building exercise where we all write our goals down and discuss them.  
Satine: Very interesting indeed. Who wrote “do a cartwheel?” You can’t all do cartwheels?  
Anakin: Apparently not.  
Fives: Can you do a cartwheel, m’lady?  
Satine: Of course I can. (She takes off her ornate headdress.) If you would be so kind as to hold this, Senator Amidala. (Padme awkwardly takes the headdress.)  
(Satine gracefully does a cartwheel. All of the Clones applaud except for Fives, who is covering his face with his hands.)  
Obi-Wan: Very nice, but I’m also pretty good at cartwheels.  
Satine: I can do a better cartwheel than you anyday.  
Obi-Wan: Do you want to discuss it over dinner at Dex’s Diner?  
(The Clones and Ahsoka exchange confused glances. Everyone is silent.)  
Satine: Perhaps if my schedule allows it, I’ll have time for a professional dinner with an old friend. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m a very busy woman so I must be going. Thank you. (She and Padme exit the room.)  
(Anakin grabs Obi-Wan’s arm and pulls him into his private office. There is muffled excited yelling coming from the room as Rex and Ahsoka shake their heads.)  
Ahsoka: Is it finally over?  
Rex: I don’t know, I think so. But it could start again at any moment.

Interview  
Anakin: Well, we got everything figured out. Basically, we agreed that we’ll keep each other’s secret girlfriends a secret from the Jedi Council. I was originally just trying to embarrass Obi-Wan by making him talk to Satine, but now that they’re going out again, it’s made both of us happy. (Anakin and Obi-Wan walk out of Anakin’s office and hug.) We agreed to never fight or keep secrets again. It's my new personal goal. 

Interview  
Rex: I’m assuming they agreed to never fight or keep secrets from each other again. That’s what Anakin tells me every time something like this happens. (Rex and Ahsoka look at each other from across the room and stifle their laughter as Anakin and Obi-Wan hug outside of Anakin’s office.) I doubt things are going to change. I really wish I knew what they were fighting about.


	5. Jedi vs. Clones "Chaity" Soccer Game

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Jedi vs. Clones Charity Soccer Game takes an unexpected turn due to a typo on the promotional flyers and bitter rivalries between the Jedi.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Sorry there was a bit of a wait for this chapter, I went on a short vacation and decided to take a break from the computer for a bit while I was there. I also have been having family problems and had to start a new job. I hate the new job so much because I never have time for anything anymore, but I've figured out how to balance that with writing and other things I like to do. Again, sorry for the wait, I promise I will start posting more regularly again because I love this series!

Anakin: How are you doing today, Ahsoka?  
Ahsoka: Pretty good, Master, what about you?  
Anakin: I’m doing great! I just wanted to let you know what a great job you’ve been doing lately. I couldn’t ask for a better padawan or friend.  
Ahsoka: Thank you! You’re doing great too! (Awkwardly.)  
Anakin: You’ve grown into a very responsible and intelligent woman! And that’s why I want you to come in on Saturday and finish up some work for me.  
Ahsoka: (Her smile disappears.) What?  
Anakin: Well, remember how we had to go back to Geonosis a couple of weeks ago? Apparently I was supposed to pick out this year’s healthcare plan for everyone in the office, but I got too busy to do it while catching up on other stuff when we got back.  
Ahsoka: I’m not the boss, how am I supposed to know which healthcare plan everyone wants?  
Anakin: Let the Force guide you in your decision.  
Ahsoka: Master, I know you’re busy, but I’m not doing this. That’s your job.  
Anakin: Alright, good talk. You’re right, I’m the general. I’ll do it.

Interview  
Anakin: The healthcare plans are due on Saturday, which is tomorrow, but I can’t finish it that day. I have plans with Senator Amidala. Just basic negotiations, of course. What else would we be doing? The bottom line is, someone has to pick out the healthcare plan. And it isn’t going to be me.

Anakin: Alright everyone, I have an idea! Everyone in this office who’s part of the winning soccer team will win a special prize!  
Rex: Me and the boys already talked about this, whoever loses has to buy lunch for the people on the winning team.  
Anakin: That’s a great idea! But, I was thinking more along the lines of “whoever loses has to go into work this Saturday and whoever wins gets to sleep in.”  
Jesse: But that’s not as fun, sir.  
Anakin: It makes the stakes higher.

Interview  
Ahsoka: Today is the day of the Jedi vs. Clones Charity Soccer Game. Of course, Anakin is a little too into it. He’s just very competitive. 

Rex: Okay, deal.   
Fives: Why? You know we never win.  
Rex: We will this year, I think we have a fighting chance.  
Anakin: We’ll see about that.   
Palpatine: (Runs through the door.) Anakin, my boy!  
Anakin: Palpatine!  
Palpatine: I made sure the whole senate is going to be at the game.  
Anakin: Wouldn’t you be the whole senate after we gave you those emergency wartime powers?  
Palpatine: I appreciate it my boy, and you are absolutely right! But, I brought everyone else as well, and I especially made sure Senator Amidala came along.  
Anakin: Aw, Chancellor, you’re the best!

Interview   
Anakin: That’s Chancellor Palpatine. He loves me, but I think he has it out for some of the other Jedi. (The camera follows Mace Windu down the hallway. He walks past Palpatine, who throws himself on the ground and starts screaming that Windu tripped him.)

Rex: (Quietly.) Is it just me, or is the Chancellor a little creepy?  
Ahsoka: It’s not just you, trust me.  
Rex: Are you going to get to play in the game today?  
Ahsoka: Probably not, since the Jedi only use padawans as alternates.   
Rex: That’s too bad, I was looking forward to seeing how good your soccer skills are. And winning against you, of course.  
Ahsoka: Oh really? I could beat you at soccer any day!  
Rex: We’ll see about that. (They both laugh playfully.)

=====

(The stadium is full of several different aliens, it is very chaotic. The Jedi are standing outside of the stadium and talking before the game starts. Everyone is in soccer uniforms.)

Anakin: So, Padme, are you excited to watch the game?  
Padme: Of course, I know you’re going to do great! Plus, Chancellor Palpatine cancelled all of the Senate negotiations today, so that’s a plus.  
Anakin: But of course, you’re mostly excited to see me?  
Padme: Sure.  
Anakin: You’re so hilarious.  
Padme: No, you!  
(They start giggling, and Mace Windu looks over from a group of Jedi and glares at them.)  
Jar Jar: (The camera zooms in on Jar Jar Binks running towards them.) Aniiiiii!  
Anakin: Oh, Jar Jar, what a surprise. Padme, what’s he doing here?  
Jar Jar: I have come to see great battle!  
Anakin: What?  
Jar Jar: In gungan language, “chaity” means great battle! Meesa and my friends have come to see “chaity” soccer game!  
Padme: I’m just going to let you handle this, I’ll see you at the bleachers, Jar Jar. (She quickly walks away from Jar Jar.)  
Ahsoka: There was a misunderstanding, Jar Jar. When the poster was being typed up, one of the clones accidentally typed “chaity” instead of “charity.” It’s just a normal soccer game.  
Jar Jar: Meesa see!  
Anakin: But, if you’re not satisfied with this event, then you’re definitely welcome to leave at any time.  
Jar Jar: Would weesa get full refund?  
Ankain: There is nothing I wouldn’t do to ensure that you leave.  
Obi-Wan: (Walks up and grabs Anakin) Please excuse us for a second Jar Jar! (To the side.) Anakin, you can’t just kick them out and give them a full refund!  
Anakin: Why not, Master? They’re so annoying!  
Obi-Wan: Because the whole point of this game is to raise money. The gungans are one of the biggest groups we have here! The Council is going to get mad if they find out you gave all that money away.  
Anakin: Okay, fine. (He turns back around and smiles at Jar Jar.) We will do whatever we can to make sure your experience here is great, don’t you worry Jar Jar!  
Jar Jar: Thank you, Ani!  
Anakin: You’re welcome. (There is a pained smile plastered on his face.)

======

Palpatine: (The microphone screeches, he laughs.) Hello everyone, and welcome to the charity soccer game! Thank you all for gathering here today to support us and raise money for orphans across the galaxy. Now, without further adieu, please welcome Anakin Skywalker, the Chosen One!  
(Anakin walks on stage and shakes Palpatine’s hand as if he is winning an award.)  
Anakin: Thank you, thank you! First of all, I want to say what an honor it is to compete in this event and raise money for those poor orphaned younglings across the galaxy. I love younglings, and I myself am an orphan. (Looks out to the crowd dramatically.) Younglings, they are the… (He pauses and takes an index card out of his robes.) They are the hope of the galaxy! That’s why the Jedi are gonna win this match, we’re gonna do it for the younglings!  
Palpatine: Thank you Anakin, that was a very moving speech. Now, let’s begin the game!  
Mace: Chancellor, I recall you saying I could give a speech too.   
Palpatine: Haha, perhaps next time.  
(Mace glares at the camera.)

======

Rex: Alright men, we’re the starting players. Who’s going to take each position?  
Bly: I can be the centre-back, that’s what I’ve always done.  
Cody: I can take full-back.  
Rex: Fives, what about you?  
Fives: What about me?  
Rex: What position do you want to play?  
Fives: I don’t know, I’ve never played soccer before.  
Rex: Okay, I’ll pick for you. Are you fast?  
Fives: Yes. 

Interview  
Fives: I’m very fast. I’m somewhere between a Krayt Dragon and a Nexu. (Pauses) And a Zillo Beast.

Rex: Okay, you’ll just be the goalkeeper. (He looks at the camera and smiles sympathetically.) The rest of you can play the position you used to in the past soccer games. Before we begin, does anyone want to say anything?  
Bly: We’re going to win this not just for the younglings, but also for all of our fallen brothers.  
Jesse: Never forget Hevy, he made the ultimate sacrifice.  
Rex: I couldn’t have said it better myself, brothers. On the count of three. One, two, three! FOR HEVY!  
Aayla: (Quietly to Kit Fisto.) Didn’t Hevy die almost three years ago? Why do they still say that at every event? (Shaak Ti, who is standing a few feet away, glares at Aayla.)

Interview  
Shaak Ti: Aayla is a species rights activist, but I’m a Clones rights activist. If you ask me, she seems kind of fake. As one of the Jedi in charge of Clone training on Kamino, I witness the mistreatment they face every day. And what is Aayla saying about it? Nothing!

Mace: Alright Jedi, who’s going to play which position?  
Kit: I played full-back a couple years ago at the last game, can I do it again?  
Mace: I thought we agreed that I was going to play full-back this time.  
Kit: I don’t remember discussing it, but that’s alright. (Smiles nervously.)  
Mace: Are you back talking? Get on the sidelines with the padawans! (Kit Fisto sadly walks away.)  
Ahsoka: (Camera zooms in on her shouting from the sidelines.) Does that mean I get to play instead?  
All the Jedi on the field: No!  
Mace: So, it’s settled. I’m playing full-back. Any problems with that?  
Obi-Wan: No, but you were the goalie last time. Who’s going to do that?  
Mace: It’s Luminara’s turn.  
Luminara: No, I’m not getting hit with balls.  
Anakin: That’s what she said!  
Barriss: (Shouting from the sidelines.) Master, I can play instead of you if you’d like me to!  
All the Jedi on the field: NO!   
Mace: No padawans unless absolutely necessary. Luminara, you’re the goalie.  
Obi-Wan: I can do it instead!  
Mace: I need you on offense.  
Anakin: I thought you wanted me on offense, there’s only one spot left!

Interview  
Rex: The Jedi have never had the camaraderie that the Clones have. (Anakin and Mace are heard yelling in the background.) I think they just have different ways of handling things.

Plo Koon: Let’s all just take a deep breath and relax. Breathe in for three seconds… (All of the Jedi dramatically breathe in as the camera zooms in on the confused Clones in the background.) Now breathe out, and feel the stress leaving your body. (The Jedi dramatically breathe out, Obi-Wan screams.)  
Obi-Wan: I feel less stressed now!  
Mace: Okay. On the count of three, for the Younglings! One, two, for the Younglings!  
Anakin: That was on the count of two!  
Mace: Because I meant we were going to say “for the Younglings” at three instead of saying "three" at three.  
Anakin: That doesn’t make any sense.  
Shaak Ti: I agree.  
(Mace glares at the team.)

======

(The soccer game begins. The soccer ball starts to go past the goal post, Anakin screams “No!” and the ball suddenly shifts to the right and enters the goal. Anakin and Obi-Wan scream and hug each other. Chancellor Palpatine also runs out on the field and tackles them as they are yelling excitedly and jumping up and down.)  
Kix: (From the sidelines) Hey! He just used the Force to make that goal!  
Anakin: No I didn’t!  
Cody: With all due respect, sir, I think you did. The ball was headed out of bounds and-  
Anakin: No it wasn’t, it curved and started heading the other way because of a, um, slant in the ground. This soccer field is uneven.  
Jesse: This is a turf field, sir. It was designed to be perfectly level.

=====

Echo: People are asking if we’re going to disqualify Anakin from the game, Master Yoda.  
Yoda: Chaos, this is becoming. Enjoying it, I am. In the game, he stays!

Interview  
Echo: While they’re playing soccer, I have to be the one that sells ice cream and other snacks. That’s alright though, because they said I could keep the tips. That’ll help pay off my gambling debt. Plus, I get to hear all of Master Yoda’s gossip each time I walk by to see if he needs any snacks.

Echo: (Blandly) Good ice cream, good, good ice cream.

====

Interview  
Anakin: So, now I have to sit on the sidelines with the padawans because apparently I was cheating. Did I use the Force? No, I didn’t. Not at all. They’re just being ridiculous. But, the fun part is that I can still use the Force to make the ball go wherever I want. (The ball flies up in the air and hits Aayla in the face. She sees Anakin, Ahsoka, Barriss, and Kit laughing on the sidelines.)

(During another play, the soccer ball hits Plo Koon in the face and damages his mask. He falls down to the ground and starts gasping for air.)

Aayla: I’ve had enough of you, Skywalker.  
Anakin: You’ve had enough of me? I’ve had enough of you! That wasn’t even me, I didn’t actually do anything that time!  
Aayla: So you admit it was you the other times?  
Anakin: No.  
Obi-Wan: What are you two talking about? Plo Koon is on the ground dying! Does anyone know how to fix his mask?  
Aayla: And I bet Anakin used the Force to make the ball hit him. He doesn’t care about any of us. Except maybe the Clones, but they don’t count.  
Shaak Ti: What does that mean, “The Clones don’t count?”  
Aayla: I just meant that every Jedi cares about their Clones, but Anakin needs to start caring about other Jedi and not just his battalion.  
Shaak Ti: Really? Because I’ve seen you treat the Clones like inferior beings. I don’t think you care about your’s that much. I’ve heard you insult them many times. (The crowd “ooohs.”)  
Aayla: How dare you! I treat all beings with respect!  
Mace: Will you all just shut up? This is just a soccer game, put your egos aside for once in your life.  
Anakin: Like you ever do?  
Mace: You’re treading on thin ice, Skywalker. (Obi-Wan runs over.)  
Obi-Wan: What are all of you doing? I told you that Plo Koon is-  
Aayla: Stay out of this, Kenobi! You’re always taking up for your padawan.  
Anakin: I’m not a padawan!  
Aayla: You act like one!  
Anakin: I do not!  
Yoda: Want your lightsabers, do you? (Starts eating popcorn)  
Aayla: No!  
Anakin: Yeah, I’m not fighting her. I would definitely win and I don’t feel like embarrassing her.

(Aayla tackles Anakin to the ground and starts punching him. The gungans in the stands start cheering and jumping up and down excitedly while chanting “chaity.” Mace and Shaak Ti try to break up the fight, but end up getting in it themselves. The camera zooms in on Plo Koon who is still asphyxiating behind them. Wolffe, Rex, Bly, and Cody run up to him and start trying to fix the mask while the Jedi are fighting and cheering each other on.)

=====

(The camera cuts to a medical bay, where all the Jedi from the soccer game are standing in the hallway outside of a hospital room. They are still dressed in their soccer uniforms.)

Interview  
Anakin: So. (He looks off to the side and sighs.) The Clones won. And, Master Plo Koon is okay. I felt partially responsible for the awful thing that happened at the game, so I got him a gift. (The camera cuts to Anakin talking to Plo Koon, who is in a hospital bed. He hands Plo Koon a shirt. Plo Koon holds the shirt up, it says “Cancer Survivor.”) There were no “Get well soon” shirts, so I thought this might have the same sentiment because he overcame such a scary and traumatic accident. But, maybe this happened for a reason. Maybe, the Jedi can finally come together as a family now.

Interview  
Aayla: The Jedi are less unified than ever. And if you see Anakin, tell him this isn’t over.

(Anakin walls out of the hospital room. All of the Jedi and padawans that were at the soccer game are lined up in the hallway. Obi-Wan and Rex walk up to Anakin.)

Obi-Wan: Is he alright?  
Anakin: Yeah, he seemed fine. (His right hand starts twitching and moving around.)  
Obi-Wan: Are you alright?  
Anakin: I think Aayla damaged my robotic hand.  
Obi-Wan: Do you need to get that checked out while we’re here?  
Anakin: (He bangs his hand on the wall, it stops twitching.) No, I think it’s fixed now.  
Obi-Wan: Whatever you say. Have you seen Ahsoka anywhere?   
(The camera quickly pans to the door in the hallway. Ahsoka, Barriss, and Kit Fisto walk through the door laughing.)  
Barriss: I tried to tell Master Luminara the hijab she was wearing was so last season, but she didn’t listen to me.  
Kit: I know, girl! That color? It doesn’t suit her, the color clashes with her skin.

Interview  
Ahsoka: Who knew Master Fisto was so much fun to hang out with. He even let me and Barriss braid his lekkus.

Palpatine: Anakin, my boy! That soccer game was a huge success, the gungans spent half of their government’s national treasury on that event!  
Anakin: Really? That’s amazing, Chancellor!  
Palpatine: We’re already planning next year’s game, it’s going to be even bigger and better than this one was.  
Anakin: That’s great! I can’t wait! Aren’t you excited, Rex?  
Rex: Of course, sir. (He turns to Ahsoka and they both grimace.)

Interview  
Anakin: Well, no one got killed at this year’s charity event. There was a close call, but it turned out okay. But, now I have to go in to work on Saturday. Damn it. (His hand starts malfunctioning again.)


End file.
